May 12, 2021
This is but one narrative; each of us got through the past year in a different way. I chose to hide out and write. I wasn’t planning anything big or important, writing is just what I do when I need to figure things out. Sometimes I read back through old journals. Here are some things I’ve found just this afternoon:
I write because I have to.
I need to put my voice on the the table, it is the card I have been dealt.
I wanted to come here empty, only blank paper, a pen. See what can happen.
Make sure you have a plan. Be sure the plan is flexible. Be prepared to change the plan.
I had a dream the other night, someone said to me, “We haven’t had any vegetable drawings in a long time, you had better get busy.”
A quote from Bernard Malamud (American author, 1914-1986), “We have two lives... the life we learn with and the life we live after that. Suffering is what brings us towards happiness.”
A quote from my hero Alfred Russel Wallace ( British naturalist, explorer, geographer, anthropologist, biologist and illustrator, 1823-1913). “The bird skins surely held answers to questions that scientists didn’t yet know to ask and they must be protected at all costs. If this is not done, future ages will certainly look back upon us as a people so immersed in the pursuit of wealth as to be blind to higher considerations”
This is the year we looked at our mortality and were no longer hesitant to talk about it, nor to talk about the love that connects us to one another’s care. We have learned to talk in ways that measure our thankfulness with an acknowledgement that we need nothing more. Our friendships with one another, our relationships with family, those we love this is what matters now.
What are the gifts of this past year? So many articles in the papers about what we’ve learned. I am seeing friends that I haven’t seen in almost two years who live only a few miles away. We lost so much time, we gained in so many other ways. It’s funny, but in our conversations with others we talk about only what matters in our hearts, how can we be more helpful, we don’t say those words particularly, but we act in ways that connects us. One friend told me this week that she sees 5 “ologists.” Cardiologist, dermatologist, audiologist, oncologist, opthamologist. She called this morning and gave me a rundown of what’s what. But at the end of each brief “ologist” story she was up-beat and optimistic, counting every second of her life a blessing. We laughed about our common condition, rosacea on our faces and she said, “It never bothered me to wear a mask, I rather liked it.” And I agreed with her. This has been a year of enacting our deepest wisdom: to adjust, find humor, be kind and considerate and express our gratitude, for this is life, our life.
Think about the time before you were born. If you weren’t born you wouldn’t even know it. Think about the wonders of the solar system, what we know now compared to what was known on the day we were born, or our parents were born, or our grandparents. Knowledge and the gathering of it is awesome, how our brains work, time’s ticking away opens such curiosity. I often think of this: the vast expanse of inter-stellar space…..who were we before, who we will be after….all seems so precious now, the word itself too trite. We are as fragile and tender as a single dandelion seed on the wind. Oh, let us hope that we like thistledown have that small weighted seed to carry us to our next destination.
With thanks to Joan Palmer on Guemes Island for the “Ologists” story
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