February 17, 2021
It was 23 degrees when I woke this morning at Shepherd State Park and no electricity. The space heater must have popped a fuse last evening. It happened once and I went outside, brrrr, to flip the switch; that fixed it for a while, but it popped again so I bundled up and went to bed with a headlamp to read for a few minutes before falling asleep. It never ceases to amaze me that one can sleep well in the cold as long as the body is warm. So as we think what to donate to the homeless and the poor, I suggest wool blankets, coats, sweaters and socks; warm sleeping bags. The trouble with a down sleeping bag is that it turns to mush if it gets wet. I recently bought a light-weight sleeping bag online, it’s surprisingly warm. I like it so much that I bought a second one to zip the two together and even last night woke still warm as toast.
The propane stove in the RV still works without electricity so I was able to have coffee. I open the side door to let in fresh air when I turn on the stove. There are such freezing temperatures, snow and ice storms around the country now that one must remember to think of ventilation. Texas is really suffering and this cold is so unusual that many are not prepared.
I think often of what makes for good mental health - I’ve seen dozens of articles on the internet about how people of all ages are suffering with mental health issues during this pandemic, the quarantine and isolation, not being able to go to school or work, visit with children and grandchildren. How difficult it is for college kids wanting to socialize, for toddlers cooped up with exhausted parents.
When we talk about mental health there is a tendency to say, “I don’t need mental health, I’m not crazy!” Wait a minute, what we want is to feel healthy, and relatively calm and happy in our minds, not wacky, anxious, frustrated or depressed. Let’s focus on the health of our minds. Healthy mental health, what is it and how do we get there? Here are a few things to think about: I like this list of eight things.
Anticipation: Is the ability to think and plan ahead. Preparing for unseen events can be critical for our survival. Think flashlight batteries, extra food and water. Look what happened in Texas when the water and gas lines froze - that’s why I’m still marooned here in Mississippi, I can’t go west. I’m preparing to sit it out.
When my mother was about 80 she told me she’d made a plan for her old age. “What is it?” I asked, “You’ll see, go get the car, here are the keys.” We drove out past palms trees and palmettos and Florida scrub, past a small lake. She told me to stop the car and we got out and stood around looking at the palms, palmettos, and the little lake, there was nothing else there. “This is where I’m going to live,” she said.
“Really, in a tent?”
“Not exactly,” she said, “Someday, in a year or so, there’ll be a beautiful retirement center here, with three levels of care: independent living, assisted living and end of life care. If I buy in now, it will be less expensive and then if my money runs out they won’t be able to get rid of me. I’ll be vested, in for good.”
“But, mama…”
“I’ve made up my mind, you don’t want me to live in your house. If you come home late, I’ll get mad; I don’t have any friends out where you live. Besides if I move into this place while I still have my wits then I can have fun and make friends. If I wait until I fall apart, no one will want to be my friend and it will be lonely. And I
really don’t like the weather out where you live in Washington state, too gray and cold.”
“OK,” I said, “You’ve made your plan.” And she did and it all turned out pretty well I’ll have to say. She
believed in planning ahead, anticipating that she would get old and would need help. “I don’t want to be a burden to you.” she said giving me a hug. Be prepared. I think about this now and realize it won’t be long before I’m 80. Is this my plan, to keep driving around the country in Snowball? Jeepers.
Technical Difficulties and Mental Health page 2
Moving right along, here are some more healthy mental health qualities:
Affiliation: It is the making of healthy relationships.
Altruism: When we promote someone else’s welfare, even when it is difficult for ourselves.
Sense of Humor: Don’t you just hate it when you sit on your lunch? Guess who has done this more than once? The perils of a small camper….
Self-Observation: That’s what mirrors are for, and mothers who remind us to button up and sit up straight.
Self-Assertion: Don’t be bossy, say please. Don’t be a wimp, speak up if you need something.
Sublimation: When bored, anxious, frustrated, at odds with yourself, change the channel in your head. Get busy with something. Thinking about retirement, people often say, “What will I do?” I read somewhere that you should think about what you did when you were ten years old, do that. Ha! Ride your bike, build a fort in the backyard out of blankets, jump into the lake, play in the woods with your friends. Go to the park, look for birds and bugs, listen to the wind rustle in the maples, the cicadas in trees. Nature has a lot to teach us. Take up painting, build something out of wood, play the piano, knit, bake, get out your old trumpet, give it a blast.
Suppression: I like to call this, move on. Don’t stay stuck with someone else’s problems, be helpful if that’s your nature, but move on.
When we as individuals, families, communities, and now as a country are struggling with this pandemic – and I hate to say this, it probably won’t be the last – we need to focus on what helps us cope, survive and thrive. Thousands have lost loved ones, people are grieving; health care workers, first responders, funeral workers, pastors and priests, are stretched often beyond endurance.
I am reading a beautiful book now, by Wendell Berry, called Hannah Coulter. Hannah, the narrator, says, “I need to tell about my people in their grief. I don’t think grief is something they get over or get away from. In a little community like this it is around us and in us all the time, and we know it. We know that every night, war or no war, there are people lying awake grieving, and every morning there are people waking up to absences that never will be filled. But we shut our mouths and go ahead. How we are is “Fine.” There are always a few who will recite their complaints, but the proper answer to “How are you?” is “Fine.” The thing you have most dreaded has happened at last. The worst thing you might have expected has happened, and you didn’t expect it.”
And so here we are, 2021. Technical difficulties, weather issues, supply chain dilemmas; and we are isolated, apart from loved ones, unemployed, perhaps hungry. We reach out with assistance when we can; zip into a bit of Zoom and call one another on the phone. Somehow we stay connected with those we love and care about, and in caring about ourselves, we remember to put our own oxygen mask on first, so that breathing, and taking time to nurture ourselves we can help others, with kindness and gentleness of spirit. Let’s go forth now into the day remembering we are probably a lot healthier mentally than we think. Let’s remember to breathe and have some fun. Where on earth is that old dusty trumpet? Let’s have a blast, chilly winter that it is.
With thanks to potter and hiking buddy, Debbie Stewart for the book, Hannah Coulter by Wendell Berry, and to Jackie Stone for Jaber Crow, also by Wendell Berry.
Comments